Killer videos

For Yarbi


Sweet Rube Goldbergs

Best one ever


Second best?

Ebooks

As many of you know I'm a bit of a reader. Ok, that's deliberately understated, I read about 2 books a week, sometimes 3. I would say I'm a bit of a collector, although I don't collect the antiquarian books, the uber rare or the ancient tomes of yesteryear. No, I collect first editions/first printings of modern fiction. This isn't hard with 1st/1st printing runs usually over 100,000 of what I read.

But I've given it up, because theres something I like collecting more. Money. You see, despite being a passionate reader of about 15 regular authors I still feel that books are grossly overpriced and feel that authors could make up for lower prices with higher quantities sold.

Enter the digital age.

I've been a reader of ebooks for a long time, the first device I remember reading a book on is a Palm V. Then I got the awesome Dell Axim with the wifi's. It was on this device that my addiction to ebooks began. I would take this baby into the bathroom with me and 2 hours later I had finished the newest Stephen King or Harry Potter book. My asshole hates my reading addiction, this I know for fact.

So, needless to say I've acquired a great many ebooks. Probably a few hundred and growing every week. What I love is that I have 15 books on my iPad and iPhone right now that I can't wait to read. Instant gratification. No more buying one book at a time, finishing it at 2am and then waiting a day or 7 to get the next book with a trip to Barnes and Noble. The other day I read Mile 81 by Stephen King, finishing around Noon. I then started Second Son by Lee Child and finished that around 2pm. I then immediately started the new Dexter book. My total cost for the day? $0.0.

The old way would've easily cost $41. Do I feel guilty about not giving those authors my $? Nope, because I know that they don't get almost anything out of the $17 or so dollars per book. And when I see another author I like, James Patterson, selling ebooks for MORE than the hardback...well, that makes me incensed. I mean Jesus. The guy has a shit ton of money, sells millions of books and decides to RAISE his prices? Karma is a bitch.

I also recently won a Kindle in a random drawing. Not sure what I'm going to do with it as I have no use for another ereader. Probably just return it to BB for credit and get Gears of War 3. Yay.

Auctions attract weirdos

This guy stood out on Sunday.

Floppy hat
Michael Dukakis eyebrows
Pale, pasty skin
ancient looking sweater
ancient looking black slacks
gardening gloves
shoes with velcro straps

Ahhh, that's Madison County for ya.

6 hour "socialization" test? Really?

The purpose of this post is to illustrate 2 things.
1. I'm a sarcastic asshole at times.
2. Why I hate policies.




Before we went on vacation recently to Arizona I made some calls to find a new place to board my dog. I typically take him to a place here in town but they aren't open on Sundays and they keep him in a fairly small cell with no activities. I am what you may call an overzealous dog owner and I want my boy to feel like he's on vacation to. After calling a few places that had no vacancies I finally reached a place in Collinsville that had an opening. They asked some basic questions about his name (Cubby), breed (Golden Retriever), age (7), etc. So we basically have a fully domesticated, adult male Golden Retriever.




This is a picture of my dog. Very vicious looking right?






They first asked me what day I wanted to bring him in and when I said "Tomorrow" they said "Oooh, that's going to be a problem." I asked what the problem was and was informed there was a mandatory (and paid) 6 hour socialization test to make sure my dog wasn't violent or aggressive. They do know what a Golden Retriever is right? I don't think a more gentle, docile and loving animal exists. I've been around Goldens my entire life and have never met one that wasn't sweet and playful.

So this conversation happened:



Me: You are aware this is for a Golden Retriever right?

Dumbass: Yes, but this policy is for any dog.

Me: Who came up with this policy?

Dumbass: Our owner, who is a veterinarian.

Me: Is she familiar with a Golden Retriever?

Dumbass: Of course, many Goldens stay here.

Me: And have you had any issues with them? You know, like them biting each other, eating small childrens faces off, killing the young, playing puppy fight club? You know, stuff like that?

Dumbass: I understand what you're saying sir, but it's a policy.

Me: Do most of your customers have 6 hours to come and watch their dog play with other dogs? Oh, and pay you for the privilege?

Dumbass: It is an issue for alot of people.

Me: I think we just found out why you have openings when no one else does. Thanks.

Click.


Again, this is my dog. We ended up having family take care of him and all was well.

End of story.



This is NOT a sales pitch for a Golden, but I will say that if anyone asks me what dog to get I only have one answer. There is a reason. I have had 4 Goldens in my life and each one is sweeter than the next. I can't imagine a better family dog. And the brain..sheesh, I'm pretty sure my dog understands me. There is a reason that Goldens are chosen for drug sniffing, cadaver location, service assistance, emotional therapy and a wide range of other demanding roles. Oh, and they're highly sought after in the hunting world, the name "retriever" isn't an accident.

And take a look around you when you're in the store, especially the pet aisle. Goldens are used to hawk everything from dog food to baked beans to insurance to cars. They're all over print media, movies, TV and advertising. This is not an accident.

Soda is immature?

The other day I was in a drive thru (I know, what a shock) and I decided to order a Cherry Coke. I love this soda but I usually only drink diet sodas for less calories and I usually prefer the taste. The few exceptions to this are Cherry Coke, Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb. When I lived with my friend Pete a long time ago we both got hooked on Cherry Coke from McDonalds. It was an amazing combination of paper cups, crushed ice and Cherry Coke. Nirvana.

So, the other day when the urge struck I shot off a text to Pete who I JUST got back in touch with after not speaking with him for years. I explained that I had just ordered a Cherry Coke and he replied "...I'm a grown up so I really only drink water and Iced Tea now..." That made me laugh. This guy isn't much of a grown up, about as much as I am, and now it's immature to drink soda?

So fellow webbians, is it more mature to drink Iced Tea and Water? Perhaps I should order a Brandy Alexander or a Sloe Gin Fizz when I'm out drinking, aren't thos more refined drinks? Now, I agree that an adult sucking on a Sunny D or a Capri Sun looks foolish...but who cares?

Thoughts?

Things I've learned about beer...

I've learned the following about beer through many beer hunts, brewery tours, sampler sets, blog entries (V) and sipping of the frosty brew.

1. I now know what things like lacing, mouth-feel and tannins are.

2. I realize that I enjoy the story behind the beer more than the beer itself sometimes.

3. There's a massive beer community that gets very little respect from liquor store owners and Wine snobs.

4. I don't like High ABV beers. They're just not for me.

5. I like banana-ey beers. Not the banana bread one, but I like the banana after tones of many hefe's. I could almost go so far to say I like beers with a fruity taste, like

6. I like light colored beers despite proclaiming myself a "Stout" man.

7. While Guinness is still my number two favorite beer, it's not the same as a true Microbrew stout. In fact it's not even in the same league.

8. Liquor store owners can either be the most helpful and accomodating person or the biggest asshole or jerk.

9. I LOVE the thrill of the hunt of either rare or hard to find beer. I love things like serial numbers, limited production, special days, seasonal brews and anything that's illegal in the US and/or near impossible to get.

10. My favorite beers are, in no order....Koenig Ludwig Weissbier, Guinnes Stout, Westvleraten 10 and then 8, Founders Breakfast Stout, to name a few.

11. It's ok if I don't like the beers others do, especially the heavy bourbon and whiskey beers. They can like it, I don't have to, and it doesn't mean I don't appreciate a good beer, just not THOSE beers.

12. When you wear a PIG shirt in a small town at a local bar you get stared at.

13. Mohawks attract attention, not always the right kind.

14. Cooking your own steak on a stone at the table is awesome.

....

Resume tips from an IT Manager

I've been reviewing hundreds of resumes lately and I have a few tips. I know these are all published elsewhere, but here's my suggestions and pet peeves.

1. Use a consistent font, and preferably one that is nice and clear. Good choices are Calibri (my fave), Times New Roman, Arial, etc. Avoid flashy or weirdly justified fonts.

2. Be consistent in your format. If you underline one heading underline the next one, don't change bullet types mid resume, make font size consistent throughout, etc.

3. Use the goddamn spellchecker. Multiple or blatant misspellings will get you DQ'ed instantly with me.

4. Put accurate contact information and indicate which you'd like me to use. Your email address should be professional and not ostenatious. Avoid things like partydude@gmail.com, hot_biker_dude@yahoo.com and l33thax0r@hotmail.com. These are lame and have no business on a resume. Also, if the number 420 is anywhere in your email you won't get a call from me, I'm not an idiot.

5. Understand that I WILL look you up on MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. These represent you and your professionalism. I won't discriminate based on race, religion or that other stuff, but if your MySpace background has pot leaves on it or swastika's (to name a few) don't wait near your phone.

6. I don't care about perfect attendance in high school, if you were in the Thespians Club or if you were Employee of the Month at Dairy Queen. What I want to see if relevant work experience, education and affiliations. It's great that you set the state discuss record, but I really don't give a shit. Only put down RELEVANT job histories. If this is your first resume that's fine, I'd rather have you put that down rather than try and relate Waffle House Cook to what we do.

7. References are lame and I never call them. No one ever puts down someone voluntarily who will not vouch for them.

8. If your GPA is under 3, don't put it on their, I'm less likely to call. Why advertise you're dumb?

9. Avoid obvious BS and lengthy objectives. Your objective is to get a job, I get it.

And in conclusion....

10. Be reasonable. If you're a recent college grad you're not going to get into managment. Accept entry level work. And don't ask for $45k a year and stock options. I don't care if you graduated Summa Cum Laude, in IT you need to prove yourself and all that paper shows me is that you're able to memorize stuff and see something through to completion. These are great skills, however they don't mean you're worth more to me than someone who has 5 years of OJT and can handle himself/herself during a real live IT crisis.